My Hot Wife

Last night during our Wednesday night Lent service, before the service started, a friend of mine said to me, “Your wife is so cute!” She was praising Vania’s look that night which was quite different than her usual. “O yeah, that’s because she is going to a business meeting right after our service. That’s why she’s dressed very formal” I responded flatly. My friend looked at me with her weird look, “What do you mean by that? She’s cute no matter what, right, Vania?” She put her arm around Vania who was smiling back at her not knowing what to say. 

“Well, well, what’s wrong with you, you should’ve agreed that she’s cute! And let me tell you, Vincent, she’s is not just cute, she’s hot! You have a HOT WIFE!” I laughed, Vania laughed, and my friend laughed. I knew she was messing with me. 

I thought about it. This morning I asked Vania, “Hey, did you get offended that I responded flatly to the comment about how cute you were last night?” I saw a puzzled look on Vania’s face, “No. Why?” “O, no, I thought I should’ve answered with more excitement about your look last night.” She smiled and left me to do her laundry. Maybe it is a cultural thing. Asians don’t praise each other in public. I can count with the fingers on my hand how many times my dad praised my mom in front of his kids and vice versa. I think we’re just never accustomed to giving praise and receiving praises

Vania is no exception. Occasionally, in private, I tell her how beautiful she is and what an amazing woman she is, and she usually responds, “What did you do now?” As if I was making a mistake and wanting her amendment by praising her. Or she would say, “Okay, what do you want?” Vania rarely likes praises that are directed to her. She said that those praises always make her feel awkward and not knowing how to react. I said to her one time, jokingly, “Well, then just respond to me by saying how handsome, smart, and sexy I am.” Of course, Vania usually lets out a big sigh. What a narcissistic husband she has, she thought. 

Reflecting on this, I am aware that as time goes by, the number of praises I give to Vania are going down. I remember when we were still dating, I wrote her poems, made her romantic paintings, flowers, and tons of weekly small surprises. After eleven years, I barely do those things. Even though at the very least my wife gets to be my sermon illustration 

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 It doesn’t mean that my love for her is diminishing. Maybe it’s because like any relationship, we became more mature and we don’t have anything to prove anymore. I know she’s beautiful. She knows I am cute (I hope, haha…) We know that we love each other and that’s enough for us. We don’t have to say it all the time, we just know it from the gestures and the things we do, more than words can say. But I know that praises are important. When we say it at the right moment, a simple word of praise can feel like rain on a hot sunny day. 

Believe it! In the middle of our Bible there is a beautiful book called Song of Songs. This is the book of praise from a groom to his bride and vice versa. I tend to believe that the placement matters. Whoever puts the Song of Songs right in the middle of our Bible probably thought that we, the readers, need to pay attention to its content. I like chapter four of the book when the groom sings praises to his bride: “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely….You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you…” (Song of Songs 4:1-4; 7). 

So, if you, husbands, think that we don’t have to praise our wives anymore after some years of marriage, think again! You may not be able to write such an elaborate poem of praise like king Solomon, but at the very least we can always say with simplicity to our wives: You are beautiful and you mean a lot to me! 

Love and prayers, 

Pastor Vincent 03102016


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